Destiny of love ~ NEE

 (A) on the idea
people live in the world, there will always be too much to tie him down, too much sadness, because those things that bears the marks of yesterday's joy! So we always Henbuxiaxin, the drop needs Courage, a collection of space needed. on a compromise over the fate of my own, but forced himself changed, and ultimately I was not happy in the environment has been an indescribable happiness!
read many stories, but never did not read his mind when the story, when I saw the brother of the current process some of what I said and written blog I suddenly have something to say, so these things will be the only song in the long penetration out.
regret not willing to ...... ...... ...... well ....... have fun a little slowly hide the answer. I asked my friends, I really What is wrong, and ultimately come to the same answer. When people agree not burst out of an excuse and justification. You know that still do not go, obviously had it in his mouth saying stuff you do not like, this is not your life, but still accepted that life.
Now, I finally fled their fear of space, time and again encounter straight out of human suffering, not seeing his favorite things and people have gone to someone else slowly. do not be afraid, do not accept the first year of the sudden you suddenly change the world, decadent and you have nothing wrong, and sometimes you feel a loss of this world but to prove that you really thought about these things, told me.
like I had to record their own words, just a sad look too pale and too much if not persuasive. finally after contact with him and willing to own life when I also want the text itself was leakage in a dark society.
high 2 I was naive before, when he was a Guaiguai Pai Hou's mother when I was a girl reared, not allowed not allowed to do so, just learn from it, I have spent virtual a few hours, to secretly listen to music. was the idea is very simple. And now, I wasted the time of my day. I know what it means high school, as well as the ideal mother, is that we are remote control robot to listen to them. follow the procedures they go. I do not like, I really do not like it, I began to have their own ideas, I like to sing in those who write their own back for their spiritual song. I started Lost in his thoughts in the. I want my own life, but there is no condition at home, my mother had each other for so many years, I know my mother's idea, want me to succeed, want my self up. She can not I like something she would secretly wipe wipe away tears. I was in my mind, it was entirely ignored when the mother's feelings. So I learned to waste, followed by his companions began a mixed high school career. was the day to know the other Sunday. Our school is like prison management, maybe you put a P in the corridor someone will check you are not talking. I sometimes thought, do not wipe them pull Baba Kan Bukan. like I'm really able to come up gas management. Maybe people are the same, the more you control the keep what they do, the more they have the idea. I, too, so I borrowed all day holding a comic novel , secretly listening to music free in some people's feelings I do not know, the thought is to read the most naive Kouzhong like the death of grievance. At that time I was so naive. but sometimes pick up the book to pretend to the teacher to see.
(b) high
a valuable friendship, when sitting next to me is a sub- tall boys, he seemed very quiet, has been looked down at his body pressing under fiction. I think he was very good, I hope to make friends with him, as he secretly asked the QQ, in front of people when I told him, I said the first sentence is finally know his strength, that looks really good and heart to learn that cells are not the kind of learning. then we become the same table, he told me his name and I can only tell him to Coke. because He was obsessed with the network, the game or QQ's nickname is Coke. then we would indeed become the iron man and the Network partners. Coke concern to me is I can not describe, and he knew every day I am 6 foot the ring into the class, because I could not get lazy day meal, every day he would get at home with their own things on my desk chewing secretly keep early study hall, I used that time to touch every morning the table in the harvest, there will certainly be a day or a delicious comic novels. I never did not say word of thanks, because I know he do not care. Some of my classmates say that we two are glass-like iron, I am pleased will stick together to come up with a close look, but we dare to guarantee that we do is iron man, not thought of other things.
teacher for some time we are sitting apart, because I teacher learning is getting worse I promise to be admitted to the top five, this is he, please let me face my parents promised, I did not say that life and death, because I was not that the idea of progress. Until this time we After separation, the top 10 can not find me until the last of more than 20. I was completely on his desperate, when Hou 2 next semester already high. I finally walk in front of Coke, the continued We wasted. to high school, he found a girlfriend before my desk girl scolded gave Coke deal with this weird girl the phone say I love you ......is the most painful time to think of an excuse to help Coke do not repeat the excuse every time fait accompli. Finally, I used to own one afternoon of my life. because the coke to skip class to go out and surf the internet with overseas video. every day I can do is after the front table desk with my female buddies slapstick, when most others are angry Hou provoke Ting and Zhao Lei is silly. with their Classmates, I signed a dozen words that were two days downtown hang your gas. There is all day in front of female students to express themselves to that point, so that other students gave me a good literary talent to write lyrics, I'll compose, and then sing to them. listening to the students that I have a cell I started a firm other than the addition to learning the cause.
Back then, our school always some activities such as football. I did not that interested in football, but it may be due to 7 every day pretending I love to see him look like the class groups as point guard. He was very honest, character can not say the appeal to me after our class line of defense without him, will never have good results. because I know he loves football, but not with people by principal, he will be very carefully guarded prison in the back of the defense team in our class. Maybe only he did this character do that, because I think when the forwards are naive, unstable, good performance . But I like the unknown.
From then on, I started watching the little black boys ...... not cool until I went to college.
(c ) confused thinking
do not work hard and because of my own desperation, I finally admitted to the college is a garbage school. voluntary no one I like, I love science text, but my mom but you are afraid I will work difficulties, I studied engineering in school, my last big one spent in the lonely, not as compact high school life, I am a bit confused, to think more naturally. But the most freshmen do not want to learn , but they are busy harvesting their love. about me, when someone from the military training pay attention to me, until now I was absolutely insensitive to women, of course, except for a distant girl called her as transparent as water, I can not tell where the good of his fancy, than the junior high school love is not love, I feel very difficult. because I did not recover from small to large over girls is that they can not ask me, but now faces this problem, because he has a boyfriend and finally end. She told me before the end of me to be her man, I smiled, I'm sorry I can not!
ended a woman's feelings, I am online spent the last semester of my freshman year of life. The next semester, when I was depressed, helpless, and occasionally when I hit 7 always miss kind of speechless, recalled he had sat in back of the classroom the way in silence, always preoccupied look. But these things I still pressed down, because I did not dare admit that I have in addition to men friends man outside the relationship. But when the night comes, all my best day sad, though many times I do not know why I was sad, but I know that sadness is so real, in a holiday I wrote a letter to 7, sent his to the the CD, because those songs are on behalf of my voice, when he did not say nothing just do his usual style - silence. to the last day I finally know why I think he, not others, and why girls They asked my phone number I did not feel any other means. because my heart was full of confused thinking.
he said to me, like when he can see photos, but the picture he is not thinking things He did not understand my voice. He told me that I am very headstrong, thoughtless. He was right, it is just his excuse unreasonable. He always said he did not know where he is good, for me, that is, I'm fine free. I really do not know with what to say, my poor mouth, but I can not afford to lose those elusive lonely. is the fragmentation of emptiness bite, I think another way to love him. when I heard that he cares as long as more than happy to be happy, as I love where I am also in the end could not say. But I just want to get his spiritual love, then out of line is a simple hug. Finally, he accepted some of my unreasonable demands, but love is never responded to that love is no fair, so I still failed. think of his name with a perfunctory tone of my dear, I did feel the shame. the final decision is I give up, I do not want him bound what to do. I Left alone in the heart of the struggle to learn to give up.
tears does not mean sadness, laughter is not all are happy. emotion and expression is no absolute; sometimes moved to cry because not sad, sometimes laugh in order to cover up guilt and embarrassment, rather than genuine joy. a person is happy or sad, no one can claim under vain.
will be beautiful, rather than a reality in the ugly face. was still alive to know the ups and downs disheartened. Finally, I do not want to disturb him, maybe he will be happy, maybe he will easily, I decided to enrich themselves not to interfere with his life.
sick, sick. But heart, even worse, told me yesterday, some think the truth, she said she was too tired, with her husband really is not working, but in fact the culprit is money. Money can not buy true love, but money is so difficult. I think they have tried, but no exchange for good end. So I think we have another guy doing very good, though not exclusively, this is my heart, but also be a relief. all Everything Stronghold. I would like to use my tears washed the dirty thoughts, but it is to drop all Liu Buchu.
(d) vortex of love
Sometimes, I admire my own , dare to try anything. sometimes impossible to know what was more willing to do it. even force myself into the role, think about that time, I really stuck to, and think of my past, I wonder his happy day, Y sister took me out DQ, asked me what to eat tastes, and I said, mouth, sweet! because I want to live a happy life, so I want to eat is sweet. life is! But I think she was eating the bitter green tea. Finally, to accompany him to the classic taking photos, according to a lot of nice photo. bus driver actually asked us not to take wedding photos, I was unable to speak a kind face non-Si Yi.
Originally, I think this may be the most fun since I was in college one, but life but joking with me, so I have a painful happiness.
naive when I that I'm used to loneliness, accustomed to a person's street and a person's night. has inadvertently produced the impulse to flee. I want to go looking for an extra roof. loneliness like a shadow that will haunt me, The happiness was like a stranger, never know it will not be my friend.
I always wait, even though the world is so dark, but seemed like a validation, I met him. he was very handsome (self-view), 83 meters long symmetry, and then I had a school sports, I have been watching him because he looks like a walking Coke, my iron man. I thought I would not like him, but His smile will unconsciously deeply engraved in my heart. so I can contact to find some way, want to take actions to replace the daily attention. to a bedroom in the near lying about the meeting, I brought him, did not think the bedroom is my brother actually know him, told me as naive as I do playing the game, Audition. I followed in the cafe waiting for a few days. At that time the school has established a family , in which he called the left, right, has his. I added his QQ. did not think he verified adding me. Till then I was immersed in the days feel like years, live in dreams of living state. But just from knowing him that moment, I feel life in the sun or warm, I knew his network called direction. from the beginning I told myself that I was not with him, because we are not the same world, so I changed my own a QQ number, before I told him to die now! I changing a happy life. I changed the screen name surprisingly good progress, we start with the man to start, until now, he still said, my real friends do not have a few, ah, ah, you know stuff. I would like to look at the progress, up over the next, but for kinds of thinking a thought, is wrong. How can a straight person would accept such a thing? or the first not to mention the right. so we will soon be even more intimate, in addition to her mother, but also no one is willing to pick me up from school, and He was able to pick me up from school, every time he teach, I have to teach when he came home from school so I will see the way, I am moved. Slowly, my head was full of him, eyes open, closed his eye. do not see him, for his thoughts into a habit, became concerned about his hobby, and his love turned into love. My heart is sinking, sinking in his brilliant and shy smile, I is not the old me, and I was the devil but it will not help to find God, I know who have always been antagonistic, bound no results, but I do not want to accept this fact. I said to myself, happy to rely on themselves to win, and I love him, I'll tell him. Sometimes I wish that an accident occurred suddenly, I die for him, I let my heart will always be his memorial . I know that this trend continues, sooner or later in the school to accept a separation of fact, but I prefer to stay in tears after two years, if I were alive and well, I think he will not see these, if I die, Please send these to let him see, let him know I loved him.
also a holiday, a piece of my heart empty, contradiction. We played with two people still eat together, sometimes to chat, he'll be by my side asleep, I watched as he fell asleep, and sometimes can not help, while he was asleep when the stolen kiss his face. I feel everything is sweet, though he always said I neuropathy, sometimes he asks I had the money will do? I said I would like to know the feeling under the dead, he said that you can play a bungee. remember when I fell into the river, sinking a kid going down, can feel his tears, but my last idea is that, I want to see my mother. I remember I was talking with his eyes open. I do not know if the family thought was dead or the feelings of love or a variety of complex.
(e) after the previous
holiday, I was sleeping well every day, hidden in their text messages to his room, smoking a cigarette, but the more absorbing the more spirit. Many nights I have been unconsciously holding the phone to sleep.
may be a dream Riyousuosi night. I had a very strange dream. I remember him he told me with a kid in the North Station Station Square fight thing, the result, he beat that kid The eyes are bleeding, as for what it is because his girlfriend both ways, that object he happened to meet with her, they did not say a few words will be moving their hands. this time I dream of the event to the sequel. I dreamed that guy brought a bunch of people chasing him, I happened to meet after school, I saw so many people chase me he was blocking the way to go, with the film, I was a knife in my heart, followed by gang kid ran away, I took out the knife, looked at blood stream I was laughing, laughing so satisfied, feel they've accomplished their mission as great. and then I suddenly woke up because pillows dropped to the ground, I picked up a pillow stuffed under his head and fell asleep again.
As this dream he was weird, strange to me were all awake, asleep again but also dream, a dream or actually The second half ...... I dreamed I was dying, I wore a bedroom wearing brother playing dress, because I usually have to wear as pajamas. listening to JJ Lin's songs, and then see the thinking and his bed. thinking did not say nothing, just kept crying, because I know she loves me, he did not speak, just feel very lost the first did not even lift. until I say: won on the clasp of the rotten things go. think you are, everything any and all ...... oh dear do not be sad, as long as you shook my hand ........ my eyes wet, and then saw my sister hastily ran in Y ...... I did not come and talk to and closed his eyes.
morning when I wake up with a species like Unfortunately, as the eyes were all rolling into the first touch, might be dreaming when I do have cried. I got up this dream to clean up the next record in my diary.
mess so this holiday season over, in return, I still think he will change, so I went back to put away his bedroom to find his bedroom, his roommate said he was not, likely to go online. I also ran the cafe on the second floor I saw him and thinking. They see me walk, thinking the sound of shouting stuff, he looked up smiled. Later we decided to re-establish our own family. We began planning our family, only to increase awareness of the real friends, and I, and he was couple number, he established the men howl left, I sent for the right hand. and willing to do what we think is a fake girl. Oh very interesting things.
things or in the distant future, once he was in bed, I found my diary, may be curious about it while flipping through, and see all the records, including 7 of his feelings and thoughts. I had the time came that the pace of be there, after a long time to respond, grabbed my diary, but he will throw you in the next sentence I was moved: you? that treated me as a younger brother does not want me to become like this person. Later, as her sister came to see me and a friend of hair. I see the look and well-being with them. we go to dinner. eating, I also used to stimulate a bit, then they, like the sister I said you look handsome man I do not? she was I asked, coloring, he also embarrassed his head down. so I introduced them to know ......< br> then back to an event in the family, he said: more, I came to like a sister called and said later: think about what that line ah casually. But some do not want to look like he asked me why I do not play right? I said I want to play my own number one, I do not like normal people do not think you ah. He was angry. .....< br> when we once again get together to eat, I called his brother. They are caused by me, they are my match, I willingly, because I know they sure is that the final choice with have some justification. This also proves a truth, he is a straight ......< br> (f) lamented straight
love, we desire to have it, and with it we will feel the pain, to give up it, but can not afford to never give up. In the face 7 and left two people, I clearly remember what they say.
7, said: We live in a different track, maybe we are just passing through, maybe there'll be opportunities.
left hand, said: Who could not think of what could happen later.
Coke said: I will be your strong backing, no matter what you choose.
boss said: to live out one yourself!
straight, in reality, everywhere, and we are only a handful, if you picked the right person, then congratulations, you have a happy beginning. if you choose wrong, then you will feel the love Direct human suffering.
start from someone, I have been persistent in the middle of straight people, why is everyone's world is so different? Why do I feel my world and their world in the interval of a layer of glass? see it touch not. pain I can take their own, no one would accept me, with me over our lives, but people outside see you look like a cage where animals, discrimination, jokes, unacceptable way. < br> How many times, even if it can also afraid.
how many times, even if forgiveness is also self-blame.
how many times, even if the joy is also lonely.
finally left me ...... ...... full of cold, who knows what I'm singing?
LB told me that the word, he is really true.
fact you can hear a sigh of songs, and a song I heard for a long time, is that the first ; This feeling is not worth it for me, not worthy of my consideration, not worth it I loved you.
this memory is not worth to me about, I should think, not worth crying.
this relationship, should be given up , long I should not have to waste time looking for a miracle.
you do not deserve this I hate you, not worth for me to ruin my mood.
I decided not to let the gray of the heart, to give up love you . vortex. The difference is much less export to talk about. why we are in the habit persistence? are learning not jump out? chosen to own vortex sink, beyond redemption? we need to know a truth that is, must learn to save itself, without you their fight, how can I have good results in this waiting? life everything is uncertain, who do not know what kind of things happen the next second, so I learned to look for, are you looking for a person looking for a part of your feelings.
Summer said, . and lost in the process by slowly find their own part of life. life without so many things worthy of dedication, nothing is really can not give up and give up.
we all have thought some things can not let go, in fact, little things can not let go. when the increasingly distant, when you look back you will find that you have something that just can not let go of a piece of your life springboard for all the grief, pain, all can not give up things, but a transition in your life, you skip, can become great.
the greatest tragedy a person is not your life is not good, but When you do not want you. like you want to be happy that he is the most basic premise, each life is only one track, you want your own piece of track to find, do not manage to get along with you to let others go. He offered to walk in your way so you can find what you need.
seems to have been after I went through these changes a lot, at least I will not escape myself, what kind of person I am I will not hide because I want to find my life rather than live in is not mine to which the track. twinkling of an eye to see me to a sophomore, I began to learn to look on the gay forum free mind. I came into contact with this circle of people, I learned the other stuff, pictures of themselves or someone else made up to make friends, but I'm different from the others, I use my own photos and information, not hiding anything. In this way, a lot of people add me The QQ, so I know what this world is dirty also compassionate thing, but think about the men and women now have less social dirty things up?
so I chatted to everyone and processing my , but those 419 who ignores the people I did not before, talked a lot of people, far apart, not a city, when I am only a great friend of Xi'an curiosity, but he told me that he is tired , and do not want to continue living, so I know he is not the person I'm looking for some of them are illusory. until I later added two people, they are not in a city of a province, one has been reluctant to give yourself some things Columbia Chapter, and the other is to own a perfect way to say brother. At that time I did not care about how, after all, there are several networks of people to be believed. But with the future understanding of the way my brother feel better, he three years older than me, because I like mature, but like than I can not accept people younger than me, he and my video, I looked at the way he felt the eyes looking forward, when he asked me What, I mean I called stuff, he first sentence of a sigh, Soon, I knew because I felt that the stuff he said he had not committed relationship so he decided to give up. but I'm not, the biggest difference between he and I love the way it is treated. was way more months for me Well, my cell phone when he knew would take the initiative after arrears to pay me, at first I thought he was so good I actually really weird, but then I experienced several failures in the post with his slowly mark. We started a text message, then process the message Hou almost became my spiritual comfort. every kind of looked at his messages are very happy feeling. my family is not the question I want to say, the total is in poor condition, I have to this point almost desperate to do something when someone else will do, but the way brother tells me to pay for physical and spiritual help. I asked him many times, you do not with me in a city, if one day I did not choose you, you will regret it? he would laugh it off, but also silent. I know he will love because I do, and He is boring, never what to say to hear, and sometimes even say it angers you, but look so very honest person, because I need to play with that person will not let go of, is to life, yes , do not last generation, not next life, as long as this life.
this day, he said he would call me at night. I heard, the heart mess, not the pain is not bad, but a hope is excited with excitement. I went to the evening, lying quietly in bed thinking about when he would call me, after all, this is the first time I received his call, is the first time in such a manner and context of the phone . I kept thinking, my phone rang, I started kind of feeling of suffocation, but soon the orders of his message, I answered the phone was trembling not know what to say, because it was my heart very excited, and I do not recall them now what we said at the time. has been that we started from January 11 with a formal decision, we'll meet is my final exam, when I was in no mood to learn, but I knew that he loved me, in order not to have to put that damn shame the eight subjects before. I did not take long confused finished the test, will follow the release of the winter break. I said to him; seldom the Internet, and telephone charges are also mothers control, so we will be less of contact. Now it feels as if something lost, I'm really afraid you would not come back for a walk. sense, yes it is definitely a feeling and love. home of the period when I did not dare ask his mother for money to find out online video, but he secretly wants me to give me money to go out with her friends, I first spend his money very uncomfortable, because I think it makes me feel ashamed, though he did not mean it, but I still very uncomfortable. Valentine's Day arrived, he said to me to buy things, I thought, buy something important, if we could let us beg off this Valentine's Day gift is not better than that. process is sometimes very cute, he said, bought me a big rose bouquet-mail came to me. Oh to be grateful to spend, and also less romantic Oh . Although I later knew that the stuff he bought clothes in Shanghai will also one day receive the other side, but I need this is not romantic, but a heart of gratitude and stability comes from.
(h) enjoy a happy
happiness is a feeling, and only you feel happy, you are harvesting the fruit of happiness. did not feel happiness is still deceiving his own heart.
we continue our spiritual love I know we look forward to a reality that truly come together. In his message, accompanied by a day I have become accustomed to dependence on him. ... mobile phone can sometimes convey a